do we Really need a title? what if I don't write anything here?
8:16 AM
am actually just waiting for my mom to go off to sleep so she won't scream at me for taking a shower this late. But I gotta, because my period's ended.Umm, yeah. Ces just told us about her dad being caught up at sulu by abu sayyaf peeps. and SY starts asking these really ..... well, questions that seem to reflect that she's really had a sheltered life. Sheltered from people looking down on you, or from discrimination and stuff. I wouldn't know. I do know that she's always had everything she needed, probably even everything she wanted. But I don't know, I'm sorry, I just kinda get irritated and tired when these issues crop up, about extremists and terrorists and killers and whatever.
When I was in JC I fervently hated them. Even without being there, they made life terrible for me. It's probably because I'm so sensitive, being Both Muslim, And Arab. We feel, okay. I know it's not meant for us. But on our part, we feel the burden as well, the burden to protect the name of our faith.
But I do realise it's not that easy. It's not just me me me. Other people they see things differently, have experienced different lives so whatever they choose to do, it's between them and Allah. If they believe what they are doing is right then whatever, it's none of my business. I do feel sorry for Ces, anybody'd hate to lose a dad. I don't think I could stand being her.
For everybody, I wish that their loved ones do remain intact. Just like Bush - he's a dad too, his wife and daughters would hate to lose him. Because it's not easy to go through life alone. We still need other people to sort of get through.
Ces is probably pondering about all these things, why it' s happening - I don't know. But if I were her, being me, I'd just hope that my family stays safe. I mean, I don't see the point of trying to save the world when you can't even save yourself and the people around you.
Just like Ichigo (you knew I'd put Bleach somewhere) - he gave me quite a good line to go by.
"I'm not so selfish as to give my life up for a complete stranger, but I'm not a total scumbag either such that I'll only protect my own family. I'll protect as many people as I can."
In other words, don't be too over ambitious, but do the best you can and keep your priorities straight.
Sounds pretty good for me.
Me and Kakak Las were talking about her plans to go UM soon. I'm taking hints from her, looking at all the prep you need to do to study overseas. I guess it's mainly accomodation and stuff. I'm on my own, man. While i was doing the applications for NUS, it was a lot easier. And I nearly didn't follow through because I didn't really want to go to NUS. But well, I hope that attitude will change when the time comes and I'll look after my applications properly. I'll probably wait for SY-chan to come back so I can go house hunting with somebody I know. But I'll be taking my time. I'm in no hurry, I've nobody to wait for, and nobody waiting for me.
I was just telling kakak las "ni yang part sedih ni" as in - it would be sad to go overseas to study alone. But think of SY-chan, and stay strong, zah. you Can do it. And she's doing it a continent away, you're doing it just across the border.
But I guess the lonely part was that we were supposed to go to UIA together. He'll be going, no doubt, and insya'Allah I'll follow a few years later. But it was sad, all those plans down the drain, when I had been so happy to have someone to go with. I told him to wait for me, and that even if I might not make it, I promised to follow him there anyway.
Well, since he doesn't want anybody following him anymore, I'll still have to go myself. No husband so gotta depend on myself to take care of these things yar. Oh well, it's becoming easier to go into the acceptance mode. Just taking it as it is.
My mom wondered if I was depressed or sick or sad. I ...don't think so. I can't say outright No because I'd be a lot happier if episode 63 had been a lot more spicier. But I really do think that I am getting by fine. Learning to accept things, learning that really, every human Is human indeed - even if he seems like he's someone you can trust, you'll find out that you really couldn't trust him in the end.
It Is regrettable that I hadn't caught myself before it was too late, but well, better late than never. At least now i really do know that sticking to my life principles will get me through the best. When I believe Never to depend on anybody, mean Never. No more exceptions. I may have made a mistake, but well, people make mistakes and I make mistakes. But I'll try to take it as a learning experience that even me, tough as most people think, can make mistakes like these - actually trusting someone and stuff like that.
Kore kara ganbarimasu.