weird.
10:16 PM
I think my blog got hit.Nooooo kidding.
Anyway, I sorta finished sorting out the stuff on my second table. Not bad! But it wasn't really that difficult. I've just sorted all the loose sheets of paper into what i want to do with them. I'll have to go return some Pesta Pantun stuff back to school but I don't think I'll be doing that anytime soon. I don't think I'll be returning to school until semester opens. Since I'm not into anything...oh hold on yeah, we were supposed to go to matric fair, me and hafie.
I really (what's with the italics) look forward to joining silat next semester. I hope Hafie doesn't back out, that woman. Yeah. Ohhhh crap, I haven't told nadiah that she's supposed to be handling hafie's birthday. yeah well, she's rarely online and even if she is, she's busy and stuff and she probably has PB stuff to do. I can't do another birthday Please.
But I was talking to Ces about joining a sport and we both agreed it had to be a sport where our exes wouldn't be around. For me, what I really need is something tiring, something that has nothing to do with him, to take my mind of things. I know, after all this while I should be over it, but I suppose this is just one of the ways in which I need to cope with it.
I just want to do something that has nothing to do with him, yet is school related. So that I can have fun without worrying about his presence, whether he will be there.
Heeeeeeeey hold on I sound really pathetic!!! Yuck! But still, I have to face the fact that I need to get over this one way or another, so this is the way - I need a fresh start without him anywhere near. It is really bad being in the same faculty, man. But I can handle, I should be able to. I may not be the most tough person in the world, but I'm tough in my own way.
I envy kakak las. she can go off to another country to a totally fresh beginning and put it all behind her....I wish I could do that too. Doesn't help that he'll be going to the same university, but at least thankfully he'll probably be out before I enter. So that's a good thing. The chances that I see him at less than zero, and for that I am thankful.
I think, if people were to psychoanalyze me, it would be that i'm in the phase of ....well not denial, but coping by deleting. this isn't an actual term, so please don't be fooled. I'm coping by denying its presence as far as I can, so that I can return to life as it was for me previously, because I was the happiest then.
It's just my way of moving forward, by pretending that nothing ever happened. I think it's also because I'm proud, so I can't bear to think that something like this happened to me, so I'm trying to live as though nothing ever happened.
But hey, to simplist me, it doesn't matter, as long as I get by, doesn't matter how I do it.