12:56 AM
I'm going to be disappearing for awhile, so I might be updating here instead of eljay.I think it's because I"m unsure of how to break the news to people. Because I don't know how they'll take it. And I feel uncomfortable if they have to know, because I don't want them to feel obliged to worry.
Until I can talk to him. I don't know why i MUST, but...I somehow just need to do it. Something is telling me not to talk to anybody else until I can talk to him, and if I never find him to be able to talk to him, then I can't ever talk to the people I used to, but I must quietly disappear somehow.And especially when it's time for me to face it, I must somehow quietly disappear, without anyone knowing. Maybe i just WANT to talk to him so much and because I"m so sick of talking and pretending to other people whom I don't feel comtortable with. maybe the reason I'm comfortable with him is precisely because I don't know him. because it's like the comfort of talking to a stranger on a park bench, where the stranger doesn't know you and you don't know the stranger. yeah.