nee-san mo osowareta to omou
10:43 AM
yeah. anyway, I feel sooo RELIEVED. okay, part of me felt a bit ...umm deflated? well i can't help it! I really used to be mad about him. but then I knew deep down if it ever happened and if i buckled in, like i did last time, i would regret it insanely....he was the only one I don't think I would have regretted insanely. Just a bit, but not insanely.But at least! now I can do it without feeling awkward or afraid or on tenterhooks or as if he isn't just some random guy who happened to walk up to you and ask. Yes! It looks like this sem isn't going to be full of deep shit after all, as I worried to chong. it's going to be pretty cool! I can have a blast with him because he is one funny-ass guy.
It's like all the breath has gone out from me with one whoosh, you know what I mean?
(I want my CoS back! I BOUGHT IT. takpe zah...sabar....)
and my itchiness has died down also, i think i can sleep. yay Alhamdulillah.
Anyway! I'm really really happy. I worried for a while because I really really wanted a jap guy! YES!!! I'm still in the running for it. It's like...everytime something happens that mak- whoa. did i just see the culprit Mozzie whiz past me?
but anyway yah. when it happened with him i was really sad that i might not get a jap guy after all. When this one happened I was afraid all over again. I wanted him so badly, a jap guy. And I can still hope! i still have hope! insya'Allah.
why do I want a jap guy so badly? because i want to live in japan and da'wah there. So i don't want to settle for less. I arranged my life so carefully. It's either that or nothing. because I want to do that for the rest of my life. So he has to be that, or, at the very least, share my dream. Because if he isn't willing then what for? But then again if he's like him.....I would give it all up. Well, 'snot as if I would settle for less really. But because I want so badly to achieve my dreams...I pray that if Allah wants me to be with somebody, that it will be someone who will be able to help me achieve my dreams, especially this particular one. Because I still have not met him yet...or don't know who he is, I still have the chance and I won't give up hoping. Tapi in the end, I will insya'Allah accept whoever He has bestowed upon me.
that's why i am so lembik. I must be stronger...always remember this ultimate goal of mine so i will stop falling for every other tom dick and harry who is nice. I must fall for the, uh *insert jap names* who is nice. Hahahhaahha!
okay. alhamdulillah itch is dying down. can finally zz.